Daniel's Window

 Daniel's window (Daniel chapter 6).

Daniel was cast into the lion's den, because he was caught praying toward Jerusalem, after King Darius had prohibited prayers to anyone but himself.

"When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously."

This is a fascinating passage because, among other things, it is the first mention that the exiles prayed toward Jerusalem, and that they prayed three times a day. However …

What is fascinating to me is how Daniel's life became an open book, because of his open window.

My apartment faces the street and my dog likes to gaze at the street. Consequently, my shades are almost always open. Often, I sit at my computer or television (or both) in that same room. Sometimes (often) I am doing those secular things at the hour of prayer or on Shabbat or one of the sacred days. B'farhesya -בְּפַרְהֶסְיָא - out in the open. I wonder if I am scandalizing my traditionally observant neighbors by doing so.

No one has ever asked me to explain or to justify my actions. Hypocrisy and pretense are among the worst sins. Whether my actions are ultimately praiseworthy or deplorable, I want them to be my own actions based on my convictions and values.

So, those who pass by my window and notice me not behaving as Daniel would may draw their own conclusions. I respect my neighbors, and even Shabbat and Festivals in my own way - as an expression of the culture from which I draw nourishment.

Teshuvah That Makes a Difference

On the coming Day of Atonement, we will read litanies of sins, perhaps every sin imaginable, from Alef to Tav and back again, several times.

I’m not sure how helpful that is for most of us.

Knowing our (school) community as I do, I venture to speculate that the vast majority of the sins we commit are in the category of hurtful speech. Mean, demeaning, deceptive speech let fly in flashes of anger or arrogance are the bulk of our sins and they are truly damaging but, thank God, often reparable.

A five-minute heartfelt conversation for reconciliation or restoration will do more to repair the past than a thousand hours of litanies.

However, as we review the past year, you may find as I do that the most regrettable aspect was not a sin at all. At least not a sin of action. Most regrettable were the possibilities unfulfilled; opportunities wasted; caring withheld; actions that could have brought fulfillment to ourselves, our families, and communities, but remained in the realm of Could-Have-Been.

This Yom Kippur, we can review and consider, and briefly and productively regret the unfulfilled potentials of the past year. Then we can vividly and fruitfully survey the coming year in our minds with its openings for contribution, celebration, achievement, expression, love and fulfillment.

There is a tradition that as soon as Yom Kippur is complete, we drive the first nail to construct our Sukkot. When we have the opportunity to perform a mitzvah, we should rush to do it.

Even so, we can use the hours and days between Yom Kippur and Sukkot to “drive the nails” that will construct our futures. What can we say or do in that possibility-charged week that will move our intentions from the Realm of Dreams to the Domain of Reality?

No regrets! But if we must have regrets, let them be for what we attempted and failed rather than for what we failed to attempt.

Best Wishes,
Love,
G’mar Chatimah Tovah
and then some…

Living in the Time that G-d Forgot

 שמות ב': וַיְהִי֩ בַיָּמִ֨ים הָֽרַבִּ֜ים הָהֵ֗ם וַיָּ֨מָת֙ מֶ֣לֶךְ מִצְרַ֔יִם וַיֵּאָֽנְח֧וּ בְנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֛ל מִן־הָֽעֲבֹדָ֖ה וַיִּזְעָ֑קוּ וַתַּ֧עַל שַׁוְעָתָ֛ם אֶל־הָֽאֱ־לֹהִ֖ים מִן־הָֽעֲבֹדָֽה: וַיִּשְׁמַ֥ע אֱ־לֹהִ֖ים אֶת־נַֽאֲקָתָ֑ם וַיִּזְכֹּ֤ר אֱ־לֹהִים֙ אֶת־בְּרִית֔וֹ אֶת־אַבְרָהָ֖ם אֶת־יִצְחָ֥ק וְאֶת־יַֽעֲקֹֽב: וַיַּ֥רְא אֱ־לֹהִ֖ים אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל וַיֵּ֖דַע אֱ־לֹהִֽים:

Exod. 2:(23) Now it came to pass in those many days that the king of Egypt died, and the children of Israel sighed from their labor, and they cried out, and their cry ascended to G-d from the labor. (24) G-d heard their cry, and G-d remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. (25) And G-d saw the children of Israel, and G-d took notice.

This passage from sefer Shemot / Exodus has always been occasion for a theological puzzle. How could G-d "remember" Israel and its suffering, after so long a period of years (proverbially 400 years)? More important, how could G-d "forget" his suffering children, if "forgetfulness" is implied by "remembering"? Who was administering the world during G-d's long spate of apparent forgetfulness?

Rambam and the medieval Jewish philosophers teach us that the Torah uses phenomenological and metaphorical language. To say that G-d "remembered" is not to say that he literally recalled what was previously forgotten. Rather, G-d's activity in the world was such that, had a human being acted in that way, we would have said, "he remembered." "Remembered" is poetic shorthand for the idea that G-d, after a period of apparent inactivity, undertook manifest redemptive action. *As if* a person had forgotten and then remembered. (The Bible never says G-d "forgot" anyone or anything; though that may have been our mistaken impression from the metaphorical use of the term "remembering.")

So, the theological puzzle is easily solved. The existential problem remains, and remains urgent. How are we to live, in the valleys of life? How are we to live during G-d's seeming absence and forgetfulness? The drama of redemption is not played out in one or even several human lifetimes. It is hard for us, as mortal and temporal creatures, to maintain a long view. Great as it would have been to behold the Exodus and be at the parting of the Sea, if I would have to pay for that privilege by enduring brutal slavery for even one hour, let alone 400 years, I don't think I would have volunteered.

Despite periods of G-d's apparent forgetfulness, Kabbalah teaches us that G-d is continually emanating our world. If it were possible for life’s Author to look away, even for an instant, everything would revert to nothingness. Our world is not like a clay sculpture that is once made and then the sculptor can walk away. It is like a picture on a TV screen that is constantly being redrawn every moment. Pull the plug, and the picture completely disappears.

In the beginning of his book Kedushat Levi, Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev taught:

בְּרֵאשִׁ֖ית בָּרָ֣א אֱ־לֹהִ֑ים אֵ֥ת הַשָּׁמַ֖יִם וְאֵ֥ת הָאָֽרֶץ׃ (בראשית א', א') הַכְּלָל שֶׁהַבּוֹרֵא בָּרוּךְ הוּא בָּרָא הַכֹּל וְהוּא הַכֹּל וְהַשְׁפָּעָתוֹ אֵינוֹ נִפְסָק מֵעוֹלָם כִּי בְּכָל רֶגַע מַשְׁפִּיעַ שֶׁפַע לִבְרוּאָיו וּלְכָל הָעוֹלָמוֹת...  וְלָכֵן אָנוּ אוֹמְרִים "יוֹצֵר אוֹר וּבוֹרֵא חֹשֶׁךְ". וְלֹא יָצַר אוֹר וּבָרָא חֹשֶׁךְ, רַק "יוֹצֵר" בְּלָשׁוֹן הֹוֶה, כִּי בְּכָל רֶגַע הוּא יוֹצֵר שֶׁבְּכָל רֶגַע הוּא מַשְׁפִּיעַ חַיּוֹת לְכָל חַי וְהַכֹּל מֵאֹתוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ וְהוּא שָׁלֵם.

"In the beginning, G-d created the heavens and the earth..." (Genesis 1:1) The principle is that the Creator, blessed be He, created everything and God is everything, perpetually influencing everything without interruption. Every single moment God nourishes creation… For this reason we say [in the morning just following Barekhu, "Praised are You, A-donai:] Who creates light and who creates darkness." We do not say, "...Who created light and who created darkness." Instead we only say, "...Who creates..." in the present tense! For God is creating every moment. Every moment God exudes life to every living creature. Everything is from God, and God is the completeness of all Being." [Lawrence Kushner. The Way Into: Jewish Mystical Tradition (Kindle Locations 239-243). Kindle Edition. Adapted.]

So we return to our question: How are we to live, in the valleys of life? How are we to endure G-d's seeming absence and forgetfulness?

1. We can try to see our lives in the context of a larger frame of reference. You and I as individuals are not the center of the universe or the axis around which the world revolves. We are part of a grand drama that spans a hundred generations. Our task is to be faithful, to repair the world, and to increase the light in it. Whether in the valley or on the peak. Whether we understand the part we are playing or not. Whether we will live to witness the ultimate Redemption, or whether we are called upon to keep the light burning in dark years of bondage and exile.

2. We can draw perspective from the cyclical nature of life and its vastness. The leaf falls from the tree, in what must seem like a terrible tragedy from a leaf's point of view. Yet in the turn of the seasons the tree will revitalize, leaves will appear again, maybe more and better.

3. We can remember that even in the dark valleys, even during G-d's seeming forgetfulness, we live in a world of miracles that are daily with us. Our world is pulsing with vitality. Each of us awoke into a world that we did not make. A world that makes human life possible, though a world that challenges life as well. We have the exalted and sometimes grueling task to be partners in the repair of this world. We can play a part in making the world more light-filled. Through our deeds, we can make the world a place where G-d's presence is felt, welcomed, celebrated and enjoyed. We do not know which mitzvah will be the critical one that will tip the balance, and usher in the day of Redemption, as Zechariah envisioned:

"And there shall be one day which shall be known as the L-rd's, not day, and not night; but it shall come to pass, that at evening time there shall be light… And the L-rd shall be King over all the earth; in that day shall the L-rd be One, and His name one." (Zech. 14:7, 9)

וְהָיָ֣ה יוֹם־אֶחָ֗ד ה֛וּא יִוָּדַ֥ע לַֽה' לֹא־י֣וֹם וְלֹא־לָ֑יְלָה וְהָיָ֥ה לְעֵֽת־עֶ֖רֶב יִֽהְיֶה־אֽוֹר׃ וְהָיָ֧ה ה' לְמֶ֖לֶךְ עַל־כָּל־הָאָ֑רֶץ בַּיּ֣וֹם הַה֗וּא יִֽהְיֶ֧ה ה' אֶחָ֖ד וּשְׁמ֥וֹ אֶחָֽד׃

Who is the Hero of the Garden of Eden Story?

The Garden of Eden story in Genesis chapters 2 and 3 is a slightly complex weaving together of origin stories, myths explaining features of human life.

Genesis Chapter 2

1. Man himself (just the male of the species) is explained - he was fashioned by Adonai-God, dust from the earth, and then brought to life by Adonai-God's breath. This is the origin story of human life.

(I intentionally name the God-character in the story as Adonai-God - as the storyteller does - in order to make it clear that I am talking about a character in a tale rather than a philosophical abstraction.)

2. Shrubbery was created, including the Tree of Moral Consciousness whose fruit the Man was forbidden to eat. This is the origin story of vegetation. It is also the origin story of obedience to commandments (or failure to obey).

3. The man, the shrubbery, and the aforementioned Tree were at the junction of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, that is, in Babylon (now Iraq). This is the origin story of the center of civilization.

4. In response to the man's loneliness, Adonai-God then formed the beasts and birds from the dust of the ground (contradicting Genesis 1 and any type of science), and the Man names each species, but his loneliness is not cured. This is the origin story of animals and language (names of things).

5. Adonai-God fashions a Woman from the Man's rib. The Man is suitably impressed and utters a lovely hymn in praise of the invention. This is the origin story of sex and marriage.

Genesis Chapter 3

6. A Serpent Which Can Talk suggests to the Woman that she and her Man will not die if they eat from the forbidden tree, rather, they will become godly through receiving Moral Consciousness.

1. This turns out to be completely true.

2. Neither the man nor the woman has a name, yet.

7. After the Woman and Man eat the forbidden fruit, Adonai-God is not pleased that the Man has indeed acquired Moral Consciousness and thus become godly, though Adonai-God acknowledges that is the case.

8. In rapidly cascading fashion, we are given the origin decrees or stories for:

1. Guilt and Shame

2. Slithery Snakes

3. The Subjugation of Women to Men

4. Clothing

5. Pain in Childbirth

6. (Eventual) Death of Humans

7. Suffering from Toil 

8. Death of Animals

Who Is The Hero of the Story?

It is my opinion that the elevation of human beings to the status of godliness through Moral Consciousness is not an unfortunate outcome in this story. The story is ambiguous and ambivalent to be sure. That is what has made it such a fascinating subject for study throughout the ages. However, I think most religious thinkers agree that what makes human beings special as a species is Moral Consciousness, wherein lies our capacity for godliness. The eating of the fruit, therefore, was the point and goal of the story. It is the origin story of how human beings broke through the boundaries to become Adonai-God's children in the fullest sense. Not infant senseless children with no imagination or will. Rather, children with the capacity for maturity, on a journey toward godliness.

I could possibly elect the Serpent as the hero of the story. Only he told the Woman the truth, enticing her on to greater consciousness at the cost of security and incoherent obedience. 

I could possibly elect the Woman as the hero of the story. (I can't yet call her Eve / Chava.) She heard about the Tree essentially what the Man had heard, but something called to her in a way that it had not called to him. She heard the enticing possibility that her "eyes would be opened" and she would gain a new kind of Consciousness. She could not possibly have understood what that might mean. She just knew that it beckoned her. She wanted what those words implied, she reached out and she took hold of it. Through her life-changing curiosity, courage, and leap of forbidden faith, she took the step that made human beings human.

Yes, I guess the Woman gets my vote.

God-Talk (Five Points of Jewish Theology)

 Our ninth-graders at the school where I teach hear from five guest speakers each year, who address the same pre-arranged five points of theology and answer questions. I haven't actually given such a speech (I am the teacher, not the guest), but I have thought about what I'd say if asked, as you might imagine. And I've written it up here. In my day-to-day speaking about these subjects, I am somewhat equivocal and less blunt. I have to allow people wiggle room to disagree. But, sometime before I retire or die, I hope I will have the opportunity to express these views plainly and unapologetically. My opinions were hard-won, difficult to discover, and are valuable to me. I guess most people feel the same way about theirs.

============

GOD TALK: FIVE POINTS OF THEOLOGY

Introduction - King Josiah and the Torah Scroll he Discovered

King Josiah (יֹאשִׁיָּהוּ‎) was the sixteenth king of Judah, fourteenth in line from King David. He ruled approximately 640–610 BCE, and his son Zedekiah (צִדְקִיָּהוּ) went into exile in Babylonia as the last king of Judah.

According to the Bible's book of Kings, during Josiah's reign, "the book of the Torah" was discovered in the Temple. The book gave words of Moses from hundreds of years earlier, that no one had known of before,  and it is now part of the Torah as we study it today. This story shows that the past is not always what you think. Sometimes the past can be re-imagined and altered.

I. What Happened at Mt. Sinai?

According to the story told in the book of Exodus, the Ten Commandments were given at Mt. Sinai. According to the story told in the book of Deuteronomy, the Ten Commandments were given at Mt. Horeb. These may be different names for the same place, or different places, or no known place. The versions of the Ten Commandments in Exodus and Deuteronomy are moderately but significantly different from each other. Even the slightest difference should be surprising if the Ten Commandments were really written on stone by the finger of God.

The early Hebrew tradition was largely oral although the priestly class had some literate members. Eventually the tradition came to include stories and cultural memories about its own origins. Some stories centered around a lawgiver named Moshe. Eventually (like in the Josiah story), priests produced teachings and texts which presented themselves as coming from Moshe.

What do I think happened at Sinai? Sinai-Horeb is the mythical origin story for the religious tradition of the Jewish people. The story is a dream. The Jewish people and our culture are real. Am Yisrael chai (עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי).

II. What Happens After We Die?

The Jewish Bible takes shockingly little interest in the notion of an afterlife. The Tanakh accepts death at face value.

I do not think that the individual survives the death of the body and the cessation of brain function. Consciousness is an effect of the brain. If your hand were amputated, you might survive, and you might even write the next great novel or symphony. If your head were amputated, given current technology, you would not survive, and you would not be writing any novels.

We are members of a species - the human race - which was here before we were born and will continue long after we die. The species is immortal, or relatively so. The adaptation of the species, generation to generation, is the key to evolutionary success. The immortality of the individual would not be advantageous and is not to be desired. The individual's knowledge and values may possibly be passed on to the next generation through communication, culture, language, and memory.

III. How Does God Act in the World?

Semantically, I understand the word "God" to mean, "The Power or Intelligence Behind All That Is." Anything that happens is God's doing. "How does God act in the world?" Always, in everything.

A. Is God Personal?

In the Bible, God is certainly portrayed as personal. But in life as we experience it, the power behind what happens does not seem to be personal. It does not respond to our attempts to interact with it in personal ways. 

We human beings are personal, we are conscious, and we have purpose and intention. Primitive people projected those qualities onto the physical universe and thus onto God. Even modern people do that.

B. Does God Control Our Lives?

Most of the fabric of my life came into being without my choice. I do have some ability to change my circumstances. I can learn a new language, settle in a new country, adopt a new culture, educate myself, choose a profession, adopt good or bad health habits, and cultivate good or bad relationships. I can work to make a positive difference in society, or be destructive, or be ineffectual. As Rabbi Yisroel Ciner put it: We do not control the cards we are dealt, but we control how we play them.

C. Do we have Free Will or is our Fate Predetermined?

Jewish tradition, as represented by Moses Maimonides, places great emphasis on the idea of moral responsibility. All the rest of life may be beyond a person's ability to choose, but the moral shaping of oneself is always up to the person.

Our circumstances are a complex interaction of our own actions, the actions of others in our communities and in society at large, and the phenomena of nature. Since we do not fully understand or control these patterns of cause and effect, we might see them as destined or predestined. We should neither minimize nor overestimate the amount of influence we have over our own circumstances.

IV. Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

What is a bad thing? It seems like a stupid question. A bad thing is something which is destructive to human life; something which causes pain from which there is no benefit. How do bad things come into our lives? In three ways.

First, through bad actors. That is, human beings acting destructively, whether through bad intention or neglect. Why doesn't a god intervene and stop destructive actions from being destructive -- stop bad actions from being bad? Because that would be a fantasy world and good and bad would be meaningless terms. Good actions produce good, wholesome, enjoyable, constructive, healthy results. Bad actions are destructive. If actions had no consequences then no actions would be bad or good.

Second, we can be bad actors toward ourselves. Often self-destructive behavior is the source of most of our unhappiness.

Third, unfortunate things happen because nature operates oblivious to our happiness. We ascribe personality to Nature, although it has none.  It does not favor us and it is not hostile to us. Natural selection in a competition for survival is the engine for the process of evolution. Obstacles, dangers, scarcity, injury, illness and mortality are all extremely unpleasant to us, but without them human beings would not exist.

V. What is the meaning of prayer and mitzvot (specifically the mitzvot of Shabbat and Kashrut)?

Prayer. Prayer as meditation is very meaningful to me, as a way of seeing myself in relationship to a greater reality. Every morning I say "Modeh Ani'' to enter into a mindset of gratitude. Then I say the Shema which connects me to my people of all places and times who reached toward the Ultimate. Through the Shema I am reminded that the world does not revolve around me as an individual. I say the V'ahavta and I am also reminded of the other V'ahavta, וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ - "and you shall love your neighbor as yourself." I learn to cherish myself as I learn to value others.

Prayer in an assembly of worshippers is also meaningful to me: It binds me to the community, and the poetic music of the synagogue service is comforting and uplifting.

I do not believe in prayer as a means for changing the operations of the world outside. My observation of the world tells me that things sometimes happen as we hope, and sometimes happen as we fear, but prayer makes no difference in the outcome. Sometimes a favorable outcome emerges against the odds, and people speak of a miracle. I understand God as the Power behind what happens, all the time, not just miracles and favorable events. In my own hours of desperation, out of concern for myself or a loved one, I may plead my case to God. It's a natural human reaction, but my intellect does not support it.

Mitzvot. I believe that morality is anchored in the nature of social reality, and is not arbitrary. Doing to others as you would have them do to you is good for you, good for your relationships, and good for society. The opposite is true as well. I do not believe that the moral ideas advocated in the Torah are completely correct and wholesome. We must use our best ethical insights to critique the Torah, sometimes learn from it, but sometimes discard or even repudiate certain teachings.

Kashrut and Shabbat. I consider myself a Participating Jew rather than an Observant Jew. I derive great pleasure from activities that connect me to Jewish culture, whether religious or not. I enjoy Jewish music, trips to centers of Jewish culture including Israel, Jewish cuisine whether Kosher or not, synagogue services (if not too long), Shabbat meals with all their rituals, and Jewish learning.

I do not attempt to follow the Shabbat restrictions on activities. I recognize that many people find Shabbat rest to be liberating and uplifting. I enjoy positive aspects of Shabbat - the Shabbat meals, the Shabbat evening service and about half of the Shabbat morning service, Hebrew singing, and joining with family and friends. 

My family of origin never kept Kosher, although my mother was a master of Ashkenazi Jewish cooking. The disciplines of Kashrut have the effect of keeping Jews living in close communities, so that Kosher food will be available. I consider that a good thing. Kashrut also has the effect of keeping Jews and non-Jews from getting too close, because it forbids Jews from eating the cooked food of Gentiles. I don't consider that a good thing. I think that life is enriched by experiencing cultures in all their varieties, and a significant part of culture is cuisine. Kashrut limits life in a way that I don't think it should be limited.

Intellectually, I think that a Vegan diet is the healthiest and most ethical way to eat, and if I had the self-discipline, I think I would be Vegan. But my few attempts at vegetarianism have never lasted.

Conclusion

I believe that there is comfort and perspective to be gained in seeing ourselves in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes I call the grand scheme of things, God. I don't think that God has a human-like personality, communicates verbally, or responds to human words. We have to use our critical thinking and capacities of imagination to search for the best way to live and increase happiness in the world.

Morning Yoga

A few weeks ago, a friend asked about others' personal yoga practices for the morning. I knew he was interested in physical exercises, stretches and such, and I do not do that, so I did not reply, but I've continued to think about the topic.

For years I've found two relatively short prayers very helpful for my morning focus. In the extended sense, they are my morning yoga. The two prayers are Modeh Ani ("I am grateful"), and the Sh'ma / Ve'Ahavta ("Hear O Israel" / "You Shall Love"). It so happens that the amount of time necessary for saying those prayers is exactly the time it took me everyday to walk from my front door to breakfast at my previous school. Nowadays I say the prayers on my morning dog walk, and fill in the rest of the time with other thinking and singing.

Traditionally, one says "Modeh Ani" while still in bed, just as soon as one is aware that s/he is awake. It makes a big difference to transform waking up into waking up on purpose. Then the discipline is to get out of bed with enthusiasm, without delay, to begin the day. Subjectively, I don't "wake up" until I head out the door so I've modified the practice to fit my temperament.

The two prayers bear different messages for me, day by day, but generally "Modeh Ani" is a moment to embrace my life, my special circumstances. "Sh'ma" is a moment to embrace a larger reality in which I am not the center, and "Ve'Ahavta" is a moment to dedicate myself to its service.

I can't claim that those rituals get my head put on straight, day by day, but I think they help me be happier and more peaceful than otherwise. Not as a chore, a rule, a should, or a have-to. Just as a natural part of my waking-up process, as often as I do it. Since I find it a naturally reinforcing experience, "as often as I do it" ends up being almost every day.

I could go on about how those two or three basic thoughts make for a good mindset for me. There are many "Golden Rules" that embrace those  affirmations that (1) Each of us individually is God's child; and (2) None of us individually is God's *only* child - everyone is equally special, sacred, wondrous, or, as Yoda said, "luminous."

Jesus famously said that the Torah could be summarized as (1) Love God; (2a) Love your neighbor (2b) as yourself.

Hillel gave my favorite Golden Rule when he advised, "(1) If I am not for myself, who will be? (2a) And if I am only for myself, what am I? (2b) And if not now, when?"

I really like the Albert Einstein quote that has become very popular through a recent book (Naomi Levy, Einstein and the Rabbi, 2018): "A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish the delusion but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind."

That is what my little "yoga" means to me. Devoting a moment to thinking gratefully about the part that I am. Devoting a moment to thinking and caring about the whole. Then living out the day with as much vigor, love, lightness and happiness as possible.

Leaving Providence

השגחה פרטית – Individual Providence

I am afraid to say that this has been the year in which my wobbling faith in individual providence completely collapsed. "Afraid" because it is ingrained in me to feel guilty to say or even think anything that could be construed as critical of G-d. Perhaps a notion can be good or bad, worthy or unworthy, but above all it must be accurate!

The believer clings to the notion that s/he is somehow immune to the vicissitudes of life, because of divine protection. The belief in such a specifically-intervening G-d is a basic mark of the religious life.

Psalm 91. ⁷A thousand may fall at your left side, ten thousand at your right, but it shall not reach you. ⁸You will see it with your eyes, you will witness the punishment of the wicked. ⁹Because you took the Lord—my refuge, the Most High—as your haven, ¹⁰no harm will befall you, no disease touch your tent.

ז יִפֹּ֤ל מִצִּדְּךָ֨ ׀ אֶ֗לֶף וּרְבָבָ֥ה מִֽימִינֶ֑ךָ    אֵ֝לֶ֗יךָ לֹ֣א יִגָּֽשׁ׃ ח רַ֭ק בְּעֵינֶ֣יךָ תַבִּ֑יט    וְשִׁלֻּמַ֖ת רְשָׁעִ֣ים תִּרְאֶֽה׃ ט כִּֽי־אַתָּ֣ה ה' מַחְסִ֑י    עֶ֝לְי֗וֹן שַׂ֣מְתָּ מְעוֹנֶֽךָ׃ י לֹֽא־תְאֻנֶּ֣ה אֵלֶ֣יךָ רָעָ֑ה    וְ֝נֶ֗גַע לֹֽא־יִקְרַ֥ב בְּאָֽהֳלֶֽךָ׃

For a long time I have felt that, though these and similar words are not literally true, they may be true in a general sense. In a general sense, good deeds bear good fruit; bad deeds bear bad fruit. I still hold by that generality, otherwise "good" and "bad" would be meaningless terms.

However, the notion that G-d protects the believer or good people, specifically, is so untrue as to be obscene. חותמו של הקב"ה אמת - The seal of God is truth. We must speak the truth.

This year I have seen yet another sweet, innocent friend, die prematurely. A young woman in our congregation was killed by a stolen car fleeing police, as she was leaving Yom Kippur services. Victims of hurricanes, earthquake, and mass-murder. Surely among all those victims there was at least one to whom the above promise should have applied. No, I can't support that rhetoric any more. It's cruel. Powerless to avert tragedy, we light candles, recite Psalms, agonize before an Intervenor whom we imagine exists or we hope exists. Almost any concretely helpful action would be more significant.

If I were to offer up a prayer of my own, I would ask a deity to grant my species the ability to adopt a dignified, responsible, and caring exuberance toward living, rather than a quavering, dependent vigil awaiting death. To recognize that nature has neither a preference for our species nor a bias against it takes only a little courage." -- James Randi, The Faith Healers

I am sure that with time, my map of reality will adjust and redraw itself. Some form of faith, now badly damaged, will return. I still live in a world full of wonder that I did not create. I still feel gratitude that I want to express. My heart still sings. עם כל זה, אני מאמין – on some level, I still believe. What I do not believe in is a remote-controlled Deity. Goodness, the human race and I have witnessed enough experiments to know that prayer makes no difference "out there." It may make a difference "in here." It's a hard habit to break. I hope I'll have the courage, consistency, and conviction not to insult God with requests It will not answer and obeisance It does not demand. I'm not sure what will be left.